About Bethany

I am in the war zone during the most intense of the witching hours. Dinner time, and my husband’s still at work. I am tasked with the very challenging one on four zone defense. Playing the part of short order cook while fielding math questions, reviewing spelling words, intercepting flying Lego pieces, refereeing a “he’s looking at me,” vs. “he’s breathing on me,” squabble. I feel a tap on my hip.

Me:“Who’s in my kitchen, and why haven’t you asked to be excused from the table first?”

Random kid: “Here, Mom. I go’d pee.”

Me: (unable to look because I am up to my elbows in soapy dish water washing a mac and cheese pot while simultaneously stretching my right leg to use the toe of my sneaker to pull open the drawer holding cups so someone can have his chocolate milk before his inevitable meltdown.) “Where did you go pee?”

Random: “Here, Mom, I’m giving it to you. Right here!”

Me: (I turn to find my 3 year old son with his pants around his ankles, handing me a water bottle ½ filled with a warm, yellow liquid.) “Thanks, bud. Good job getting it all into the bottle. You have great aim. “

He smiles proudly, gives me a thumbs up, then toddles back to the dinner table with said pants still around his ankles.

This is my life.

I am a Mom. 4 times over. I am a Mom to 4 healthy, busy, noisy, smelly, happy boys. I am exhausted by the enormity of it all. Every day. Simultaneously meeting the needs of 4 kids whose ages span 7 years is impossible. Particularly when they are all equipped with penises, because the stupid factor increases exponentially.

aboutbethany

Parenthood surprised me. This stuff is NO JOKE. It is rewarding as well but, overwhelmingly, it’s always-changing, never-ending work. If we do it right, eventually our kids will grow up to be happy, considerate, hard-working, contributing members to society. Who no longer reside under our roof.

I love my kids. They are a pain in my ass. And they say and do ludicrous things more often than I like to admit. It’s rarely funny while it’s occurring; but, telling the story back, I am able to recognize and appreciate the funny in it. This is the good stuff that I don’t want to forget. And I will forget it, if I don’t write it down. Which is why I picked this little section of the internet to tell my stories. I hope, if you’re reading it, that you laugh too.

Bethany Meyer, Writer

Represented by Alice Tasman, Literary Agent, JVNLA http://www.jvnla.com/

I’ve had the privilege of guest blogging for BUGGYLOVEJennifer Luitwieler, and Nicole Bates.

You can read me on The Huffington Post.

I am a contributor to the best-selling Amazon humor anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone

78 thoughts on “About Bethany

  1. Absolutely FABULOUS!!!!! I am going to make it a little ritual to take 15 mins every evening with a little glass of wine to sit back and enjoy your blog! Thank you for doing this Bethany!!!! You are AMAZING!!! Xoxo cece

  2. You rock, sista! What a perfect venue for you. I always have loved your hilarious yet from the heart postings. I too will be a part of your blogoshere (is that a even a word…I digress…)! Good luck too!

  3. Stumbled upon your blog thru another friend’s facebook link. I just had my third baby boy in 4 years. (I have a 4 yo, 21 month old, and 1 month old.) I have a feeling I’m going to LOVE this blog! We’re on the fence about going for 4… time will tell, and in the meantime I’ll get a (possible) preview from you! :)

  4. Great blog! Love to laugh and you delivered! I hopped over here from the bloggy hop! My brood is half the size of yours, but with both of them with special needs, it feels like quadruplets! Thanks again for a great read! I look forward to coming back!

    • Lanie, your hands are at least as full as mine! Thanks so much for hopping over and reading…I’ll be sure to return the favor! Glad you enjoyed it! Come back!

  5. Pingback: Today’s Creative Contributors- Some Great New Finds | Nicole L. Bates

    • Thanks so much, D.D.! I must admit, writing about the goings on in my house has given me an entirely new perspective about all things gross…like yesterday’s cat throw up. Thanks for reading!

  6. Love it! and I thought I was the only one on this earth with 4 smelly boys 15-11-10-4…. Thank GOD i’m not! I feel your pain & happiness :) Look forward to reading more ~ thank you for sharing

    • Misty, we are a rare breed, aren’t we? Moms of 4 boys. It sounds like we’re growing in numbers though! Trend setters. It appears the females of America want their laundry rooms smelling like socks and body odor. Thanks so much for reading…Happy Mother’s Day!

  7. I loved your Mothers Day 50 Shades of Gray blog. I am the mom of 4 DAUGHTERS who ages span 7 years (7, 3, 2 and 8 months) and 90% of your frustrations, troubles, joys, are ones I experience too. I am petrified of have 4 girls, esp when they become 12, 13, 14 and 18! I have lots of wine, some patience and a relatively good sense of humor.
    Good luck to you!

    • Megan, thank you so much for taking the time to write this! 4 kids is chaos. Period. Penis or not. You’re still in the throes of the toughest stuff with an 8 month old. My youngest will be 4 in August, and we’re still limited with where we can go because we have to take everyone’s ages (and the $$$$$) into account. On the bright side, my 3 year old mastered his armpit farting technique last night…thanks to the patient teaching of my 9 year old. I believe a sense of humor, patience, and wine will get us both through the next 50 or so years. :)

  8. Ive never really followed any blogs before, but I’m hooked :) I have 5 sons of my own, ages 8, 6, 3 and 9 month old twins. I can definitely relate to your stories…thanks so much for sharing them!

    • 3 boys, THEN twins?! Bravo! It’s crazy how the chaos increases exponentially with each boy, isn’t it? You will have more stories than I do!!! Thanks so much for reading!!!

  9. Bethany!!! Today i was with my kids in the ocean in Ocean City watching them swim around with two other kids (same ageish) when I realized I recognized the other kids’ mom. I went up to her immediately and said….Hey aren’t you Bethany McCormick’s best friend from St. Alphonsis? Her draw dropped (I am sure she was thinking who is the super scary person with a rain man memory). Well, she told me about your blog and I found it and I laughed and cried in just one night’s read. (You’ll have to guess which friend). LOL. I wish you the best with your new book. I can’t wait to read it. And PS. I love that you are my only childhood friend whose Dad (like mine) always has to share his birthday with Fathers Day and the only other person who still listens and dances with him to Neil Diamond with authentic pure joy. It really warmed my heart. PSS. Two of those boys of yours look so much like little Louis-es during the era of the re-taaaded barbie doll tapes. PSSS. I think of you at odd times. Like strangely when Whitney Houston died — but only because we sang all of her songs over and over and over again one summer. And when I hear Hall & Oats on the radio or see Grease on some cable channel. When I got my kids monogrammed beach towels I thought of you. Every other year or so I will still run the Island Run and see your Dad cheering on the runners and I think of you. Hi and love to your whole family. PSSSS. Please tell your mom that I have also adopted “health night” in my house which I had never heard of before until I met you guys and I credit her to this day. Though I think my kids need it far more than you guys ever did. haha!
    Good luck! So fun reading this. Keep it up! Oh and I think I am the only human in our age group not on facebook so definitely email me if you have time sometime.

    • Kristin!!! So good to hear from you!!! First, my guess is you saw Maureen at the beach. Second, holy steel trap of a memory, but it’s ironic because the fact that you went to St. Philip and James comes immediately to mind when I think of you. Third, before I forget, one of my husband’s best friends is Joey Brogan. They met as adults…reffing basketball together. How hilarious is that?! Fourth, and I’ll stop counting after this because I’m not good with numbers, my Mom just saw your Mom at the Acme the other day. I was JUST telling my older two boys over the weekend that my favorite times in the ocean were jumping off YOUR Dad’s shoulders in the “deep deep”. OMG, my 3rd son (the Interrogator) looks EXACTLY like my brother, just with blue eyes instead of green. And the Interrogator is not husky like my brother was. Was “health night” no TV? Or no seeing friends? I forget. My Mom will get up on her high horse and whip out her yellow legal pad when she reads that I remember the title “health night”, but forget what it entailed. Ah, the monogrammed beach towels. If you can believe it, I still have my red one that Mrs. O’Keefe gave to me! Erin and I were at the beach with our kids (7 of them between the two of us) on Thursday. She said, “this is not fun. Mom never got out of her chair. Why do we keep getting up for these kids? We never complained as kids. We are doing it all wrong as parents.” I’ve done the Island Run 5 times…and walked right the hell off the course at the 5 mile marker twice. That race on that sand in that heat at that hour of the day after I’ve been digging goddamn 4 foot holes and jumping waves with the kids all day…that race is a son of a bitch. If you’re running it this year, I will be cheering you on…my husband is training for it, and I will gladly be cheering section for both of you. I’ll be next to the guy with the beard and handle bar mustache.

      Thank you so much for reading…and for commenting!!!! Such a treat to hear from you! Please tell your family hello!!! I will definitely e-mail you. It should come as no surprise that I am a Facebook whore. One of the reasons I started the blog is that they put a character limit on a status update. I’m a chatty gal, what can I say? XOXO

  10. Bethany, this is FANTASTIC!! I now know and understand why I have always felt this instant connection to you: we both have the writing bug! the only difference is you acted on yours and created this awesome blog…for this I bestow you with applause and admiration. You are my true hero! keep up the great work, it is a delight to read…:)

    • Steph, thank you so much! I had no idea you’ve got the bug as well…prepare yourself, I’ll be nagging you to write every time I see you! Mid-January, I felt ready to start something new…was considering getting my certification as a personal trainer (still a viable option) or giving the blog a try. 6 months later, I’m thrilled that anyone besides my Mom and sister are still reading it.

      Thanks so much for reading! Hope you’re well…

    • Is this the Brian Kennedy who used to ride me home from the basketball courts on the back of his bicycle?! How are you, old friend?

  11. That it is young lady. Things are good, carzy at times but all good. We have one of each at home, so not as crazy as your 4. How have you been?

  12. What an awesome blog!! You were recommended by a dear friend and colleague and I now look forward to every read. You are a very talented writer and bring such reality to the craziness of life. Keep it up! Michele P.

    • Michele, thank you so much for reading! And to your friend for recommending! As long as the kids make me crazy, I’ll continue to write. Cheap therapy.

  13. I laughed so hard at your Christmas tree piece I almost fell off the chair.
    I have four boys ages 14 to 7, and I live outside Philadelphia as well. If I ever see
    you in the Acme (likely), I will stalk you to compare notes…..!

    Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had in a long time!
    MMA

    • Margaret, I’m afraid if you see me at the Acme, I’ll be picking your brain. You’re braving the waters of some ages before I do. I’m not loving 11 years old. He takes nothing I say seriously. A parent I know who coaches boys’ middle school lacrosse warned me about this age. It’s unfortunate that his prediction is proving true.

      Thank you so much for reading!

  14. You’re amazing!
    I just came across your recent article about singing your goodnight song to your oldest son (someone had posted it on Facebook) and couldnt stop crying…Now I cant stop reading everything on your blog (while the pile of dirty dishes just sit waiting for me…). I’m a mother of three boys (5, 3, and 6 months) and I really relate to a lot of what you write about (being the planner in the family…needing to be in the moment more..) Thank you so much for writing and sharing all of this (the good and the bad).

    • Thank you so much! My laundry is clean, but currently littered across my family room furniture and floor. My dishes are dirty. Just this morning, my husband surveyed the house and said, “Wow. I hope we’re taking care of the kids. Because we’re certainly not keeping up with the housework.” You are in the thick of it with your boys so young, but it’s a wonderful ride!! Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words!

  15. Bethany
    you are so gifted and funny and authentic. My mom, dad and I are laughing our tails off….After reading some entries, My mom just said to my Dad “You see Walt, now you understand….”

    thank you…keep writing!

  16. This stuff is awesome – I am sending my daughter to you for mommy therapy – she is telling me how exhausted she is parenting – she needs to be reading this!!! Great stuff!

    • Joan, please tell your daughter I can absolutely relate. If I didn’t laugh about it all, I would be rocking in a corner somewhere muttering to myself. Thank you for reading!

  17. I am the mother of three boys (8, 6 and 4), and I am pretty positive if I went for number 4 it would be a boy. I love your blog. Boys are so much fun, but it is truly a test of endurance and patience.

    • 100%, Kirsten! Naturally, I’m going to urge you to go for the 4th. It’s completely put me over the edge, but balances our family so spectacularly. Thank you for reading!

  18. I just wanted to tell you that I read your post on Rants From Mommyland… and promptly came over here to read (literally) every post on your blog. You have a wonderful writing voice, and if you ever do get that book published I will be first in line to buy it.

    Oh, and almost missing your plane to Disney? TOTALLY B&B’s FAULT. ;)

    • You are my new very best friend ever. I knew it was his fault. Thank you so much for reading!! Almost finished a proposal for my manuscript. Fingers crossed it becomes a book!

  19. I’m a mother of three boys and just found out we’re expecting our fourth boy.. We were hoping it was a girl and I’ve been really down about it. Did you ever get depressed after finding out you were having another boy? I feel so bad for feeling this way but I have dreamed of having a little girl and now it will never happen. My husband says absolutely no more kids. I hope it’s just my hormones and I’ll get over it, but right now I’m miserable. Any suggestions to help me forget about it and just be happy??

    • I was in same boat! I felt guilty about my feelings but, I have to tell you, the moment that beautiful boy arrived, I never felt blue again. I thought #2 was a girl (not), was sure #3 was (no), was POSITIVE #4 had to be.. Nope. Four boys and I wouldn’t change it for the world. If we had a girl for the 4th our family would have separated – girls doing one activity , boys off on their own. Now, we’re altogether and it’s wonderful. Honestly, the toughest part was just finding out he wasn’t a “she” at ultrasound. But, I’m happy I found out – it helped me prepare mentally. Four boys really has been a blessing (noisy & chaotic) but the best.

      • Polly, I am with you completely on that one! It was hard to learn my dream of having a little girl would never become a reality, but I never had much time to dwell on it. Because 4 boys.

  20. I love your blog! I, too, have four boys (ages 5-15) so can totally relate. I never thought I’d say the things I do. Your articles are hilarious and so so close to home.
    Keep writing! :) Thank you.

    • Holy crap, are we related?! Same last name and both with 4 boys! Maybe our husbands are long lost brothers! So glad you can relate! Thank you for reading!!

  21. My good friend introduced me to your blog. I have four kids, between almost 11 and 4, 2 girls 2 boys. Your blog is so funny that I had to stop reading in the middle of the post where you told your son he was being a dick, so I could go pee because I didn’t want to pee my pants. Which is really not that hard to do after 4 kids. Thanks for the laughs!

    • Michelle, I am in the same boat! I have no control of my bladder. If I think, “Hey, I feel like maybe I have to pee,” I immediately lose control of my bladder and basically begin urinating. 4 babies will do that to a girl. Thank you for reading!!

  22. Bethany, as a childless woman (on the other side of the pond) who always wanted boys, I nonetheless love your blog: the humour, your constantly different takes on your parenting. Do hope you like my blog, BoyWoman (website address herewith), on – among other things – the longing to parent boys and the gender divide. Do you know any blogs by women who longed for boys, whether they had them or not? Hard to find! Keep on posting…

  23. Hey Girl,

    I have nominated you for a Liebster Award. I have no idea who Liebster is, but it’s like a giant chain letter. It’s for bloggers to nominate other blogs they enjoy reading that have a small (in your case, larger than mine) following. Plus, voila! Easy blog post topic.

    Anyway, for the questions I was required to ask you and the list of rules, you can see my blog post where I have nominated you here at http://www.seenancyrun.wordpress.com

    Thanks!
    Nancy

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